I have been pregnant for 534 days, or at least that’s what it feels like.
534 days ago I found out that I was pregnant, and while we miscarried at six weeks, it feels like I’ve been in a liminal space ever since—body, mind, and soul.
During our first month of trying, I was so grateful to finally be in this season that the entire process seemed exciting. I began haphazardly tracking my cycle using the fertility awareness method, taking my temperature each day and monitoring cervical mucus to discover my fertile days. Once I knew I had ovulated I bought a box of pregnancy tests—First Response, early result, because I wanted to know the outcome as soon as possible. When the first day I could take the test rolled around, I woke early and took it in the bathroom, my hands shaking at the gravity of it all. The results were negative, and while disappointing, I found comfort in knowing that this was only our first cycle of trying to conceive—we were just getting started.