I don't Feel Prepared, and That's Okay (Walking the Camino: Take 2)

I just dropped my husband Kyle off at the airport. He’s walking the Camino de Santiago—for real this time. Here are his final thoughts upon departure, and he plans on sharing new discoveries and pictures from the road when he returns in May.

I’m heading off on my own pilgrimage soon as well and will return at the end of March. Until then the Journey Shop will be closed and you won’t be seeing much of me here, but you can follow along on my journey through Instagram, Facebook, and Twitter. -Lacy

Image by fellow pilgrim, Ryan Moore

I’ve been planning on walking the Camino for a few years now.

I was supposed to walk it last fall, but I injured myself (on a training hike, ironically). I’ve built up a grand vision in my mind of how I want this journey to be, and how I want it to change me. I’ve almost constructed a new version of myself—a man who looks like me but is much healthier, stronger, wiser, and has a clear direction in life; a man who truly knows who he is; the man I compare myself to, but have yet to find.

I hope to meet and become this man, and as my departure looms closer and closer, I feel the pressure to prepare for the trip—not only physically, but mentally and spiritually, too.

I don’t feel prepared.

I originally postponed my trip because I tore my knees up in the mountains on a five-day practice hike. When I rescheduled my trip for the Spring, I envisioned myself being completely healed, strong and ready for an arduous journey. But, my knees still hurt. While I’m not in the pain I was last summer, I am also not as fit and healthy as I desire to be.

Also, when I began dreaming of and planning for the Camino, I thought that I’d begin a practice of writing daily so that writing each day of the walk would come naturally. In truth, I think I have a 3-day writing streak at best, and this is the most I’ve written in weeks.

But that’s okay.

After spending a lot of time feeling the pressure to prepare well for my journey, and then feeling bad due to my failure to prepare, I realized that I was trying to tightly control what my experience and growth on the trail would be. However, that’s not what this journey should be about. It’s great to have goals for a journey, some structure before beginning, and a purpose. But I think my purpose is wildness itself and an openness to meeting myself, whom I truly don’t think I know very well.

I don’t think there’s much I can do to prepare for that. So I’m just going to start walking and see where I find myself.